The Myth of Work/Life Balance
The topic of work/life balance is an interesting one. It’s a phrase we use frequently, often as a starting point for conversation, yet not necessarily pushing far enough into the detail. We raise it, nod along in agreement that we probably haven’t found it and then move on as if the very meaning is self-evident.
But is it?
What do we actually mean by life in this equation? And what counts as work? Where does work stop and life begin, especially when emails follow you home and thinking about work doesn’t politely clock off at 5pm? What does life even entail? Family, friendships, hobbies, travel, rest, purpose, freedom? If the answer differs from person to person, as I suspect it does, then what exactly is the balance we’re referring to?
I’m being somewhat antagonistic with these questions but for a reason. Without interrogating them we risk chasing an outcome we’ve never clearly defined. When that happens, it’s hardly surprising that many of us end up feeling like we’re failing at something without being able to articulate what it is we’re failing at in the first place.
This might sound like unnecessary philosophical musing and maybe it is. Maybe everyone is perfectly comfortable with the question as it stands. My inclination, though, is that this isn’t the case. In fact, I think that in the absence of scrutiny, work/life balance becomes a vague ideal we strive for, one that quietly fuels stress, guilt, and even tension within key relationships, particularly when we feel we’re not ‘getting it right’.
For some, life means family. For others, it’s friendships, socialising, travel, hobbies, or personal freedom. For many, it’s a blend that shifts over time. Yet we compress all of this into a single phrase, as if balance implies an equal split between two neat, static categories.
It rarely does.
Maybe what we’re really seeking isn’t balance in the broad sense, but balance in relation to something that matters to us.
Balance Requires Context
I don’t think the pursuit of balance itself is the problem. The challenge is balance in the context of what? Are we defining it to a level that allows us to recognise what achieving it would even look like?
Take someone who prioritises employment stability, predictable hours, and time with family. They may genuinely have what many would describe as a ‘great work/life balance.’ They progress steadily, earn enough to live comfortably, cover their expenses, and still have energy for the parts of life they value most. They’re unlikely to be chasing rapid promotions, outsized responsibility, or aggressive income growth, and that’s entirely intentional.
For someone comfortable with a standard career trajectory and retiring in their early to mid-60s, this could represent a near-perfect allocation of focus.
Yet that same person might still harbour quiet ambitions for a bigger house, more travel, or even a different lifestyle altogether. Do those thoughts belong in the balance equation? If they do, then what we’re calling work/life balance in this scenario is really a decision to protect personal time by limiting how much work expands, with the trade-off being financial comfort rather than financial acceleration.
For some, that sounds ideal. For others, it feels like settling.
This for me is a key point. There’s no universal answer, instead balance is contextual, shaped by priorities, focus, and ambition. Choosing to allocate more time to family doesn’t make someone better or worse than someone who allocates more time to work. It’s simply a different set of values and intentions being expressed.
Neither state is inherently more virtuous than the other. And perhaps they’re not even fixed states at all but places we find ourselves during particular seasons of life.
After all, how often do you see a set of scales sit perfectly balanced indefinitely?
The Illusion of a Perfect Equilibrium
Even literal scales are hard to balance once you start adding weight and human life is infinitely more complex. It’s dynamic, messy, and continually reshaped by age, relationships, health, opportunity, and events we never planned for.
Trying to maintain balance in any rigid sense for a sustained period isn’t just difficult, it’s close to impossible.
Yet many of us cling to the idea of a perfect equilibrium and quietly punish ourselves for not achieving it. We tell ourselves we should be more present, more productive, more relaxed, more ambitious, all at the same time. When reality inevitably fails to cooperate, we conclude that we’re failing at balance, rather than questioning whether the version of balance we’re chasing makes sense at all.
The more variables you add to the equation, the harder balance becomes. Often, what’s actually required isn’t balance but a deliberate tipping of the scales towards whatever the priority is in that moment. That doesn’t mean the scales stay there forever, but being honest about where they’re leaning can be far less stressful than pretending they’re level while feeling like you’re balancing on a beach ball…on one leg…juggling plates…with a baby in your arms!
I rarely see people with what I’d call a perfect work/life balance. More often, I see people striving for it without ever stepping back to ask what they’re really aiming for. Or alternatively there are those who’ve accepted that the scales will lean, sometimes slightly, sometimes dramatically, and have made peace with that because the direction of the lean aligns with what they value right now.
We Change With The Seasons
Life isn’t lived in a single, static season.
There are periods where work demands more of you. Periods where family needs come first. Periods where health, recovery, or rest become non-negotiable. Expecting the same allocation of time, energy, and attention across all of these seasons doesn’t reflect how life actually unfolds.
Many people reach a point where they’ve achieved what they set out to achieve professionally: the role, the income, the security. At that point, the scales often shift naturally, with time and focus moving away from work and towards family, friendships, or personal pursuits.
The financial threshold differs for everyone. For some, £50k is enough to unlock that shift whilst for others, it’s £150k. I don’t think we should set out moral high grounds here though. Choosing family over money, or money over family for a period of time, is a personal decision. None of us are in a position to declare what should matter most to someone else.
Viewed through the lens of seasons, work/life balance becomes less about equal allocation and more about timing and duration of focus.
Is There A Better Question to Ask?
Instead of asking, “Do I have a good work/life balance?” perhaps a better, and kinder, question is:
“How do my scales need to lean right now, based on my priorities?”
This framing acknowledges that balance isn’t necessarily the goal. It forces clarity around what matters in this moment and gives permission to accept imbalance without labelling it as failure, as long as it’s intentional.
Maybe what we’ve been calling balance all along is actually alignment. Time, energy, and attention directed deliberately towards what we believe will make our lives more fulfilling, now or in the future. It probably won’t look like an evenly split pie, but does it need to?
What if the real danger isn’t imbalance but unconscious imbalance? Drifting into commitments and expectations without ever stopping to ask whether they align with what you actually want.
Final Thoughts
My intention here isn’t to dismiss the idea of work/life balance, but to treat it as incomplete. A starting point for a deeper conversation rather than the equation itself. When left unexamined, it compresses the complexity of life into a slogan and leaves us feeling inadequate for failing to achieve something we never clearly defined.
There’s no universal answer. No perfect ratio. No final equilibrium to unlock. There’s only calibration, reflection, and the willingness to accept that, at times, the scales will tip.
And if they’re tipping in a direction you’ve consciously chosen, maybe that’s not imbalance at all, but intention.